Scoopertino got their hands on a very top-secret Apple document, Steve Jobs’ New Year’s resolutions.
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The napkin is standard-issue Starbucks beige. Written in what appears to be a thin Sharpie, black, are ten numbered resolutions. It cannot be determined if they are in ascending or descending order of importance. Three mug stains appear to be random.

1-Keep the Verizon myth going
2-More crank calls to Zuckerberg
3-Trademark “Steve” – sue Ballmer’s ass
4-Fire Schiller if he FaceTime’s me nude again
5-Reject more apps, just for fun
6-Change phone number, don’t give to Woz
7-Double Mossberg’s payola
8-Fire someone on their birthday
9-Upgrade to iPhone 4 when antenna gets fixed.
10-Shut down scoopertino – ain’t funny

This is all in humor of course but #9 just might be true

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